Every once in a while, a friend or work colleague will casually mention her mother. It might be a complaint or just an offhand comment, something along the lines of, “I’m going to visit my mom this weekend.” Each time I hear something like this, I have to hold back a lecture on the importance of appreciating one’s mother. After all, in an instant, she could be gone.
A daughter’s, and even a son’s, relationship with their mother is something incredibly unique — unique while also being universal. When I married in 2002, I had questions I needed to answer — like, where was I baptized? — that no one could help me with. My mother would have known. Then, when I was pregnant with our first child and in childbirth classes, other questions arose. Was I breastfed? For how long? Did my mother smoke or drink while pregnant with me? I don’t know, and probably never will. My mother would have known.
Now that I’m playing that role — the one who knows someone best — for my two boys, I still wonder at it. It’s an amazing gift, and an incredible responsibility. I think back to my relationship with my mother, which changed so much over the years, and it’s difficult to imagine how she could have been a better parent. Sure, there were things about which we disagreed — there were lots of those. And, if she had lived longer, my vision of her would perhaps be less soft-focus. I know I’d have my gripes.
But, oh, what I’d give to have that chance — to disagree with her about parenting techniques; to complain that she’s spoiling her grandchildren; to justify the spiritual (and not fundamentalist Christian) practices we’re teaching our kids.
She never got the chance to meet her grandchildren — she has 5. She would have been a wonderful grandmother. She would have been 71 today.
As tempestuous as my relationship is with my parents, I know that one day I will be lost without them. Thanks for the reminder.
Oh, the tears… I always get emotional when thinking about your mom, but I didn’t know today was her birthday. Something about reading that she would have been 71 today just started a small waterfall. Thank you for sharing. She will *always* be missed.
Imagine how much I cried writing it! But it was therapeutic. I have thought of a million other things I could have said!
Pamela–What a poignet piece and how wonderfully expressed. Everyone of us has a special relationship with our mothers. I feel very fortunate to be able to still share life precious little moments, like laughing and going out for ice cream, with mine. Thank you so much for sharing. Happy marketing, Heidi Cohen
What a beautiful post… and your mum was so beautiful too. Thinking of you today dear Pamela xxox
“Daughter and son’s” relationships with their mother, are fundamentally different, I know I didn’t have any sisters to make a comparison with but I believe that boys are often closer their mother.
There’s hardly a day goes by when I don’t feel so sad that my kids didn’t get to know their gran on my side, and that she didn’t have the chance to see what fine people they grew up to be.
When I see my son’s relationship with his mother, how close they are, despite all the problems, I pray
that she lives to a ripe old age.
I agree that the relationships are different. I went through a period, maybe around my teenage years, of having a bit of distance from my mother, but sometime in my 20s, I began to appreciate her more again. I don’t think my brother ever went through the distance thing. (This is one thing that makes me OK with having just sons. ;-))
I know Callum “misses” his grandmother on his dad’s side, too. I wish I had met her, as well, even though I don’t know if she would have approved of Michael moving so far away!
Oh dear Pamela, what a wonderful tribute to your mother! I have tears running down my cheeks as I write this. Such a great reminder that we should all cherish our mothers and let them know how much they are loved and appreciated. Thank you. Love to you always, Brenda